You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
