Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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