thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
