I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
