Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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