There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
