just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
how does that bad decision feel?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
