nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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