Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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