Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
