I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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