I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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