Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
