A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
