Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
