i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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