Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
