So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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