I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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