Buhtt sex?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
