His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
