Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
