you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
