Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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