I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
