If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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