Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
