You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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