and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
