perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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