just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize