dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
