And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
