Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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