Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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