who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I think i got beer on your cat.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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