You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
