yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
