but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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