YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize