her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
