Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
