i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
