Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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