i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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