ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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