There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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