somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
