We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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