I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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