I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize