My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
