During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
