Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
