I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
