so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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