i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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