You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
