Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My penis needs a shock collar
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
