Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
