I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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