I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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