and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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