matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
