Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
