I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
