I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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