No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
