and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
