it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just invented taco cereal.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
im on a boat
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