Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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