how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
