YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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